Life Attractions

Optimism and Hope: The Blessed Unrest

January is a time for new beginnings.  The legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. reminds us of the power of optimism in accomplishing our goals.   He understood the power of the actions of each individual. Since his powerful   “I have a dream” speech, much change has occurred.   This e-newsletter looks at a source of optimism in our world of turmoil.  It is called, the “The Blessed Unrest.”

 

 

 “The Blessed Unrest” is a term developed by Paul Hawken to describe the increasing numbers of people at the grass roots who are taking action based on their values.  We see it in the many people who are sending money and supplies for the people in Haiti. Beyond immediate needs, we also see it in the increased numbers of nonprofit organizations.  Hawken, in his book Blessed Unrest (2008) estimates that there may be over ten million worldwide.   He believes it reflects the largest movement in the world, -- and no one saw it coming.

 

Why? Its structure is different.  Unlike other movements, it has no single leader, no common ideology, and no central source of control or organization.  Instead it is coming from a multitude of caring people.  Fiercely independent and aware, they are facing some of the most pressing issues of the day:  Global warming, poverty, peace, human rights, and many more.  They work quietly behind the scenes, getting the job done, providing hope, support, and meaning to people around the world.    

 

Hawken believes the clout behind this emergence is idea, not force.  Rather than seeking domination, it strives to disperse concentrations of power.  Rather than control, it seeks connection.  Beyond independence, it reflects an interdependence where we can have our own individual views and yet be quickly connected through our higher values and technology for the highest good of all.  When we look at all that

is going well, it gives us much hope.

 

The Best of 2009: Creating New Visions of Happiness

A group of us have joined a writing project on the best of 2009.  It was organized by Daniel Scocco at www.dailyblogtips.com.   For me, the greatest blessing was the financial crisis, letting us know there is more to happiness than money.  With all of the challenges of the year, one of the biggest has been the confirmation that really makes us happy may be our bonding, our relationships with each other, our families and communities.  Indeed, research has demonstrated that once basic needs our met, a continued emphasis on money may lead to anxiety and depression.   Actually, releasing the emphasis on materialism can make you feel stronger and happier.  

This year when my family has gathered for reunions and holidays, we have combined our celebrations with a "Giving ." For me, it has been one of the most gratifying experiences of the year.   I had a "Giving" on Black Friday after Thanksgiving. We also had one for my mother this summer.  Whoever hosts gets to host the "Giving." As with many people, I have had collections of stuff that has been piling up for years in the hidden corners and rooms.  My giving was centered on my library, where I had extra books that I had accumulated and not looked at for at least 10 years.  Within two hours the room was magically transformed. All of the unused books were donated to charity. The recipients were most delighted to distribute them to others.  It was a great joy to experience the teamwork, to feel productive, and the freeing power of letting go.  The following are a few tips on what we found to  make a "Giving" a success.

Become Aware, Create Choice, Expand and Grow!

• Do you want to create a more positive and meaningful life?
• Are you happy with what you have attracted into your life?
• Have you discovered that it was not what you expected?
• Have you found that the concept "Money" as "Wealth" has left your drained? 
• Would you like to create "Real" wealth and a happier, more sustainable way of life?

My name is Dr. Alice Vlietstra.  I have been helping individuals and families for over 25 years to use their challenges to expand and grow. 

The Paradox of Women's Happiness: What You Can Do

More and more women are awakening to their feminine power in evolving a better world.
Over the last 40 years, women have achieved wider influence, better job prospects, and greater acknowledgment for their achievements.  And yet, recent studies reveal that women have gradually become less happy, less happy than men, and unlike men, grow sadder as they get older.  It shows up in stress.  According to the World Health Organization, depression is the second leading debilitating disease among women (Heart disease is #1). Depression clocks in at 10 in men and women take twice as many SSRI's.

So, what really makes for women's happiness?  What do we women really want? What is the source of the stress?   Listen to our teleseminar on What is Happening to Women's Happiness.  We will give you critical information on women's happiness from three perspectives.  Dr. Jane Granskog, looks at the role of gender in different cultures and what has brought happiness and peace over the years.  I speak on the psychology of women's happiness and what women can to shift out of stress and depression.  Then Dr. Adrienne Zahner will share on how we can listen to our body for clues to what to do to increase happiness. Again, just click on the link.

 

Stressed Out? Release your Excess Stuff and Build Connection

With all of the challenges of the year, one of the biggest blessings is the discovery that most of what make us happy has little to do with money and stuff.  Indeed, once basic needs are meet, excess stuff actually is not always a benefit. 

Indeed, researchers have found that people who make material items a top priority are more at risk for depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. It also has a negative impact on family functioning.  Think of young children, yearning for the attention of their parents.  Family meals are a wonderful time to create connection.  In many homes, however, the family table is covered with stuff.  Instead of meaningful conversation, family members may simply eat in front of the TV, no one talking to each other. This impedes healthy socialization. Excess stuff, also leads to hassles in maintaining the home, resulting in friction, frustration, and yelling.  Finally, consider the stress of paying for the stuff.  Often both parents, working away from home, are needed to pay for it.  Many of us have pursued the happiness portrayed by the advertised ideal, only to find that after the novelty wears off, it leaves us feeling empty, stressed, and worn out.  
  
On the other hand, reducing the amount stuff in the home can make you feel strong. This year when my family gathered for reunions and holidays, we our combined our Celebration with a "Giving Party."  It truly has been one of the most gratifying experiences of the year. I come from a family of six siblings. As our mother has became more frail, we realized we needed to face the archives at the family home. The family archives consisted of collections of stuff that had been piling up for years in the hidden corners, the basement, and garage. 

It was a great joy to release the excess stuff by working as a family team. We felt most productive in creating a new vision for our family, with a simpler life, and more time to enjoy each other, simply by letting go of stuff.  It was most gratifying to distribute the unused items to local charities for those who neded it. 

Empowerment - It Starts at The Grass Roots

One big change that has occurred with the downturn in the economy has been an increased communication and connection in the grass roots community.  For example, two years ago, none of my neighbors had a garden.  Now they all do.  Previously, I would search the phone book for a repair man, now the repairman is easily accessed right in the neighborhood.  Rather than connecting with impersonal corporate businesses, I much prefer connecting with local businesses.
 
The grass roots community is a fundamental part of our society.  The government and institutions
can provide human services, but they cannot provide the quality of care that occurs at the grass roots level.   It is at the grass roots level were people connect, converse, and act.  It is in local networking where out- of- work employees find jobs and the support to start new businesses. It is our local neighborhood where we develop a neighborhood watch for the healthy developmentof children.  Now with the pressure for environmental and society change, it is the grass roots community where ordinary people become empowered.   It is an opportunity to manifest the real American Dream - healthy, happy children, loving families, and a healthy natural environment.

Are you experiencing stress?  Get to know your neighbors, network with people in the community.
Take time to discover the gifts of those around you.  It is at the grass roots where people care.

Happiness: What Makes a Great Day?

When you are having a "Great and Wonder Day," what is it that truly makes it great? Reflect on It a moment.  Is it pampering yourself, hanging out with friends, eating chocolate? How about being outside, appreciating nature, sharing, and connecting with others and something bigger?  What about the obstacles?  Are they sources of frustration, or do you see them as challenges for you to use your strengths?  

In the past ten years, "Happiness" has been the topic of much research.  What the experts find is that enjoying the pleasures of life is nice, but that once our basic needs are satisfied, we are ready for more. We are more than human robots, we are doers and creators. We want to make a dent.  It gives us a deep gratification, to know our strengths, use them, and have an effect.

Indeed, researchers Diener and Seligman (2004) found that beyond money and meeting basic needs, we are happier when we can promote well being.  We need to be productive, find meaning, and utilize our strengths.  Without service, positive emotion gives way to emptiness and depression.  In order to be truly happy, we need to feel connected, take action, and feel empowered.

This gives rise to a growing number, and largely unseen organizations that are making a difference by correcting the injustices in the world, doing what needs to be done. A  young Indian, helping some of his country's poorest farmers, said it well, "I have to feel  I am doing something to address the roots of suffering.  Otherwise, I can't be happy." Beyond savoring the pleasures, have a great day by using your strengths to make a difference to those you care and love. You may find yourself a lot happier.

Transform Stress to Success

It has been said, "Greatness is born out of adversity."  Unfortunately, this is not always true.  When under pressure, emotions climb. Adversity can bring out your courage, brilliance, and persistence.  OR, it can STRESS you out. Learn how to use your stress to bring out your best. Join us for our teleseminar on Monday, October 26, 7-8:00 PM CDT as we explore how stress actually can help you grow and evolve.

Just register for our complimentary Teleseminar Transform Stress To Success

In this teleseminar, you will:

*Take a cultural perspective to see the critical factors that contribute to stress. 
-Dr. Jane Granskog - Cultural anthropology

*Compare the difference between an internal vs. an external yardstick of success on reducing stress.
Dr. Alice Vlietstra - Positive Psychology

*Learn how messages from your body can help you identify and reduce stress.
Dr. Adrienne Zahner - Integrative healing

Just register here: Transform Stress to Success

Create a New Story to Become Empowered and Grow

Our lives are intrinsically entwined around the stories that guide our lives.  We have personal and family stories that are deeply meaningful to us, cultural stories, such as our American story, as well as our common human story.  For all of our cultural differences, our language differences, and richly varied customs and traditions, psychologically healthy humans around the world share universal core values and aspirations.  We all want healthy happy children, loving families, caring communities, and a healthy natural environment. We want to hear the stories about how people make this happen.

These aspirations have been challenged by stories that focus on competition, survival of the fittest, domination, greed and violence. Now that we are at the brink of social and environmental collapse, it is becoming imperative that people, aware, take action to manifest the world of our dreams. We need to recognize our long suppressed and even denied, capacity for sharing and compassion at the grass roots.

This last year has challenged a prevalent American story, "Money is destiny."  While this story works for meeting basic needs, it can lead to a depersonalized economic system.  This, in turn, disrupts the bonds of neighborhood and family, making it difficult to promote the development of caring and compassion of people.  For example, parents have often worked long days, away from their children,  leaving the children under the care of the TV and/or child care worker. Frequently, children's TV programs highlight violence, which fail to support the development of compassion and character. 

Other times the social learning of teens is left to peer groups, without adult leadership, which limits the development of their morals.  An alternative is to center our economy around well being at the grass roots.  We can do this in our churches, synagogues, homes, and places where we can take time to converse and reflect.  Then we become aware of the stories that have influenced us, and choose to create new ones. 

Rather than money is destiny, we might consider "Character is destiny." This story is more solid.  It is based on the wisdom of the ages, as well as our common sense experience, and ongoing research.  Indeed the stoic philosopher, Epictetus saw character as the one prime quality of happiness and success. Character is the fodder for much learning and growth. It is much more interesting, and gives us an opportunity to discover the true potentials of our human nature. Consider it, as you create the story of your life.  

Become Empowered: Cherish Your Family Stories

Every great country, business, family, and individual became that way because they were able to rise to the occasion when facing challenges and stress.   Adversity brings out the best of us, but only we can focus on higher purpose, maintain our sanity, and see the challenge through.  This is the fodder for many great stories. 

One way to identify your values and strengths is to reflect on the stories that are important to you and to your family.  Stories help you to discover the hidden factors that influence your life.  They also help you to appreciate your ancestry.  Many families have cherished old stories, told and retold at family gatherings.  The stories encourage us to talk about what is important.  

 

Take time to reflect on these stories, look for the hidden factors that helped you and your family rise to the occasion, face your challenges, and come through.  These are the character strengths that are unique to you.   As you become clear about these values, you will become more centered within yourself and clearer how you daily acts make a difference.

For example, I come from a family where we have a strength of a “love of learning.” My father, in his early years was a country school teacher.  He was especially touched one day in his rural classroom when a little girl fainted, too weak to concentrate.  She told him, “It was not her turn to eat breakfast that day.”  Inside her lunch pail was only a cold potato.  He shared his lunch with her and began to learn about nutrition. 

 

He subsequently became a teacher in the agricultural sciences and encouraged many community farmers and the members of our family to seek a higher education.  It was his lifelong mission to promote the growth and development of people, by facilitating their learning.  This story is fondly remembered because shows how all people are significant.  Our daily actions, carried out to benefit others, can lead to great results.