Life Attractions

Become Aware, Create Choice, Expand and Grow!

• Do you want to create a more positive and meaningful life?
• Are you happy with what you have attracted into your life?
• Have you discovered that it was not what you expected?
• Have you found that the concept "Money" as "Wealth" has left your drained? 
• Would you like to create "Real Wealth" and a happier, more sustainable way of life?

My name is Dr. Alice Vlietstra.  I have been helping individuals and families for over 25 years to use their challenges to expand and grow. 

The "Blessed Unrest:" The Faces of America

Have you been experiencing the challenge of change?  In the last posts we referred to it as, “The Blessed Unrest.”   Paul Hawken uses this word to describe the actions of millions of people who are creating a better world.  Concerned and aware, these individuals are acting independently, following no centralized set of beliefs, leadership, or organization. Their impact has been largely hidden, yet it is becoming a significant source of change.  Actually, the “Blessed Unrest” is not new.  It is at the foundation of our country and is the basis for our expansion and growth.

Faces of America

One way to appreciate the “Blessed Unrest” is to look at history.  When we understand our history, we better understand ourselves.   PBS has been showing a series called “Faces of America,” developed  by Dr. Henry Louis Gates Jr.  In this series, Dr. Gates explores the ancestry of twelve celebrities to help us better understand our roots. 

Why examine your history? First, America is largely a melting pot.  Coming to the United States as immigrants, many of us have lost touch with our roots. When we get in touch with our roots, we see ourselves as more connected, not only with our ancestors, but also globally. It helps us to find our place, to better understand the impact of world events, and our purpose today.  Second, history, unexamined, repeats itself.  By understanding our past, and the factors that influenced it, we can choose to create a new path.  We can look at our lives and create a new story. 

Our ancestors left their familiar homeland to build a new life in a foreign land.  Why?  Religious oppression, poverty, hardship, and war were a few of the reasons.  American brought hope for a new life, equality, freedom, and a place to express their dreams.  Their unrest led to the development of their strengths of character.

For example,  when we celebrated the birthdays of two presidents, George Washington and Abraham Lincoln,  we honor thier character strengths.   George Washington led the American Revolution to gain independence from the oppression of England; Abraham Lincoln led us through the Civil War toward greater equality.   In celebrating these holidays we honor the strengths of leadership, courage, and justice. These virtues continue to inspire our activities today.

The Connection of Strengths

As I watched the PBS series, I could not help but see how character strengths connected the family members across the generations.  Chef Mario Batali described his Italian mother who made exquisite ravioli of calves brains, sausage, and Swiss chard. Not quite my taste, but certainly gave the inspiration for a great chef.  Yo-Yo Ma, a cellist, described the passion of his father, a violinist. All are connected through the character strength of an appreciation of beauty and excellence.  They honored their parents through the generations by honoring this strength. Giving and sharing their passions and strengths helped them reach new levels of success. 

Now, think about your own ancestors, what strengths did they exhibit?  You can continue to be actively connected with them by honoring their strengths?  Not sure of your strengths?  Take the brief strengths test or the Values in Action Strengths Survey at the authentic happiness website.  It will help you identify the character strengths you use most frequently.

Shifting Your Perspective

As you watch these historical series and reflect on your own roots, there is a bittersweet element to it.  While it is incredibly moving to get in touch with our past, it also has a sad undertone that reminds us of our limited time on this planet.  We can also see the hard work put in by our ancestors, and the pain and difficulty in their lives, the fruits of their work in our lives that they did not get to enjoy.

By contrast, if when you look at history with an appreciation of strengths and contributions of our ancestors, the picture becomes different.  Our awareness of universal character strengths and virtues has helped us to move beyond the limitations of place and time to see our history from the perspective of the evolution of mankind.  You can see the patterns of pain and stress, the times of “Blessed Unrest,” and how new solutions evolved to promote the well being of all.  We all have some aspects of these strengths, so everyone gets to contribute.  What I find is most fascinating is that the actions everyone are significant.   

Take a moment to get in touch with your passions.  Do they reflect a deeper, more universal strength? Did you see them expressed in your family?  How did these strengths help your family overcome their challenges in life?  Can you honor them by using them in your life?  The strengths bless our unrest. Through these strengths we can contribute to a better world in a way that goes beyond place and time.  Now isn’t that attractive?

Warm Regards,

Dr. Alice

 Resources: 

Hawken, Paul.  The Blessed Unrest. NY: Penguin, 2007

Peterson, C. &  Seligman, M. Character Strengths and Virtues:  A Handbook and Classification. New York: Oxford Press, 2004.

 

Little Things are Big Things: Honor Your Strengths

When your actions are connected with your virtues and strengths, little things become big things.  For example, I often work with people who have a vague sense of anxiety and depression, saying they do not feel fulfilled.  When you are aware of your unique character strengths and higher virtues, you will know where you like to contribute to something bigger than yourself.  You will discover a deeper meaning in life because your actions will be connected to a greater purpose.  Then little things become big things.  You feel connected and important. For example, I know an older lady who liked to take care of her grandchildren. At first, she did not see how her help was important, because she was no longer a mother.  When she became aware of the importance of her care in the healthy development of children, she felt much happier. 

In the civil rights movement, what would have happened if Rosa Parks did not take a stand against sitting at the back of the bus?  It looks like a small action, but in the big picture it was very significant.  In the same way each of us can take daily actions that honor our deeper values.  

When we look at values, everybody's actions count.  It can be a grandma taking extra time With grand children, a person deciding to donate their extra stuff to the needy, taking time to turn of the TV and have a family meal, and choosing to drive less.  All of these are examples of ways in which people can contribute in a way they believe makes a better world.   We are doers and creators, not human robots.  Our caring, creative actions form a direct contrast to hate, destruction, and calamity.  When the actions of many are combined, it has a powerful impact.  Beyond pleasure that there is a deeper, more authentic happiness that comes from honoring your higher values.  It helps you to bring out your best.

The "Blessed Unrest:" What is the Energy Behind It?

The "Blessed Unrest," a book by Paul Hawken, describes one of the largest hidden movements in the world. It involves of millions of people at the grass roots. Socically conscious and aware, these are the people working behind the scenes, taking action on what needs to be done.  They are working on some of the most pressing issues of the day:  Climate change, poverty, peace, and many more.

What is the energy behind it? I believe the energy behind it is from a higher source, and here in America, the Declaration of Independence. It was the dream of our founding forefathers that if we honored our higher virtues and values that it was possible to honor the unique perspective of each individual, while also honoring the common good. It energizes our concerns and caring for each other. The values beliefs of our founding forefathers have great power.

Research has clarified what these virtues are, and has disscovered that each has some of these virtues as a part of our basic character. Moreover, they are universal to all cultures and traditions. These are qualities such as wisdom, justice, courage, love.  They reflect areas where we like to give in a way that serves a higher purpose.  When you discover what you like to do, and also discover that you are also connected and contributing to others, it provides a deep sense of gratification.  May you take time to honor them to bring out your best.

Optimism and Hope: The Blessed Unrest

January is a time for new beginnings.  The legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. reminds us of the power of optimism in accomplishing our goals.   He understood the power of the actions of each individual. Since his powerful   “I have a dream” speech, much change has occurred.   One such change reflects the actions of many that is give hope, and optimism to the world.  It is called, the “The Blessed Unrest.”

 

 “The Blessed Unrest” is a term developed by Paul Hawken to describe the increasing numbers of people at the grass roots who are taking action based on their values.  We see it in the many people who are sending money and supplies for the people in Haiti. Beyond immediate needs, we also see it in the increased numbers of nonprofit organizations.  Hawken, in his book Blessed Unrest (2008) estimates that there may be over ten million worldwide.   He believes it reflects the largest movement in the world, -- and no one saw it coming.

 

Why? Its structure is different.  Unlike other movements, it has no single leader, no common ideology, and no central source of control or organization.  Instead it is coming from a multitude of caring people.  Fiercely independent and aware, they are facing some of the most pressing issues of the day:  Global warming, poverty, peace, human rights, and many more.  They work quietly behind the scenes, getting the job done, providing hope, support, and meaning to people around the world.    

 

Hawken believes the clout behind this emergence is idea, not force.  Rather than seeking domination, it strives to disperse concentrations of power.  Rather than control, it seeks connection.  Beyond independence, it reflects an interdependence where we can have our own individual views and yet be quickly connected through our higher values and technology for the highest good of all.  When we look at all that is going well, it gives us much hope.

The Best of 2009: Creating New Visions of Happiness

A group of us have joined a writing project on the best of 2009.  It was organized by Daniel Scocco at www.dailyblogtips.com.   For me, the greatest blessing was the financial crisis, letting us know there is more to happiness than money.  With all of the challenges of the year, one of the biggest has been the confirmation that really makes us happy may be our bonding, our relationships with each other, our families and communities.  Indeed, research has demonstrated that once basic needs our met, a continued emphasis on money may lead to anxiety and depression.   Actually, releasing the emphasis on materialism can make you feel stronger and happier.  

This year when my family has gathered for reunions and holidays, we have combined our celebrations with a "Giving ." For me, it has been one of the most gratifying experiences of the year.   I had a "Giving" on Black Friday after Thanksgiving. We also had one for my mother this summer.  Whoever hosts gets to host the "Giving." As with many people, I have had collections of stuff that has been piling up for years in the hidden corners and rooms.  My giving was centered on my library, where I had extra books that I had accumulated and not looked at for at least 10 years.  Within two hours the room was magically transformed. All of the unused books were donated to charity. The recipients were most delighted to distribute them to others.  It was a great joy to experience the teamwork, to feel productive, and the freeing power of letting go.  The following are a few tips on what we found to  make a "Giving" a success.

The Paradox of Women's Happiness: What You Can Do

More and more women are awakening to their feminine power in evolving a better world.
Over the last 40 years, women have achieved wider influence, better job prospects, and greater acknowledgment for their achievements.  And yet, recent studies reveal that women have gradually become less happy, less happy than men, and unlike men, grow sadder as they get older.  It shows up in stress.  According to the World Health Organization, depression is the second leading debilitating disease among women (Heart disease is #1). Depression clocks in at 10 in men and women take twice as many SSRI's.

So, what really makes for women's happiness?  What do we women really want? What is the source of the stress?   Listen to our teleseminar on What is Happening to Women's Happiness.  We will give you critical information on women's happiness from three perspectives.  Dr. Jane Granskog, looks at the role of gender in different cultures and what has brought happiness and peace over the years.  I speak on the psychology of women's happiness and what women can to shift out of stress and depression.  Then Dr. Adrienne Zahner will share on how we can listen to our body for clues to what to do to increase happiness. Again, just click on the link.

 

Stressed Out? Release your Excess Stuff and Build Connection

With all of the challenges of the year, one of the biggest blessings is the discovery that most of what make us happy has little to do with money and stuff.  Indeed, once basic needs are meet, excess stuff actually is not always a benefit. 

Indeed, researchers have found that people who make material items a top priority are more at risk for depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. It also has a negative impact on family functioning.  Think of young children, yearning for the attention of their parents.  Family meals are a wonderful time to create connection.  In many homes, however, the family table is covered with stuff.  Instead of meaningful conversation, family members may simply eat in front of the TV, no one talking to each other. This impedes healthy socialization. Excess stuff, also leads to hassles in maintaining the home, resulting in friction, frustration, and yelling.  Finally, consider the stress of paying for the stuff.  Often both parents, working away from home, are needed to pay for it.  Many of us have pursued the happiness portrayed by the advertised ideal, only to find that after the novelty wears off, it leaves us feeling empty, stressed, and worn out.  
  
On the other hand, reducing the amount stuff in the home can make you feel strong. This year when my family gathered for reunions and holidays, we our combined our Celebration with a "Giving Party."  It truly has been one of the most gratifying experiences of the year. I come from a family of six siblings. As our mother has became more frail, we realized we needed to face the archives at the family home. The family archives consisted of collections of stuff that had been piling up for years in the hidden corners, the basement, and garage. 

It was a great joy to release the excess stuff by working as a family team. We felt most productive in creating a new vision for our family, with a simpler life, and more time to enjoy each other, simply by letting go of stuff.  It was most gratifying to distribute the unused items to local charities for those who neded it. 

Empowerment - It Starts at The Grass Roots

One big change that has occurred with the downturn in the economy has been an increased communication and connection in the grass roots community.  For example, two years ago, none of my neighbors had a garden.  Now they all do.  Previously, I would search the phone book for a repair man, now the repairman is easily accessed right in the neighborhood.  Rather than connecting with impersonal corporate businesses, I much prefer connecting with local businesses.
 
The grass roots community is a fundamental part of our society.  The government and institutions
can provide human services, but they cannot provide the quality of care that occurs at the grass roots level.   It is at the grass roots level were people connect, converse, and act.  It is in local networking where out- of- work employees find jobs and the support to start new businesses. It is our local neighborhood where we develop a neighborhood watch for the healthy developmentof children.  Now with the pressure for environmental and society change, it is the grass roots community where ordinary people become empowered.   It is an opportunity to manifest the real American Dream - healthy, happy children, loving families, and a healthy natural environment.

Are you experiencing stress?  Get to know your neighbors, network with people in the community.
Take time to discover the gifts of those around you.  It is at the grass roots where people care.

Happiness: What Makes a Great Day?

When you are having a "Great and Wonder Day," what is it that truly makes it great? Reflect on It a moment.  Is it pampering yourself, hanging out with friends, eating chocolate? How about being outside, appreciating nature, sharing, and connecting with others and something bigger?  What about the obstacles?  Are they sources of frustration, or do you see them as challenges for you to use your strengths?  

In the past ten years, "Happiness" has been the topic of much research.  What the experts find is that enjoying the pleasures of life is nice, but that once our basic needs are satisfied, we are ready for more. We are more than human robots, we are doers and creators. We want to make a dent.  It gives us a deep gratification, to know our strengths, use them, and have an effect.

Indeed, researchers Diener and Seligman (2004) found that beyond money and meeting basic needs, we are happier when we can promote well being.  We need to be productive, find meaning, and utilize our strengths.  Without service, positive emotion gives way to emptiness and depression.  In order to be truly happy, we need to feel connected, take action, and feel empowered.

This gives rise to a growing number, and largely unseen organizations that are making a difference by correcting the injustices in the world, doing what needs to be done. A  young Indian, helping some of his country's poorest farmers, said it well, "I have to feel  I am doing something to address the roots of suffering.  Otherwise, I can't be happy." Beyond savoring the pleasures, have a great day by using your strengths to make a difference to those you care and love. You may find yourself a lot happier.

Transform Stress to Success

It has been said, "Greatness is born out of adversity."  Unfortunately, this is not always true.  When under pressure, emotions climb. Adversity can bring out your courage, brilliance, and persistence.  OR, it can STRESS you out. Learn how to use your stress to bring out your best. Join us for our teleseminar on Monday, October 26, 7-8:00 PM CDT as we explore how stress actually can help you grow and evolve.

Just register for our complimentary Teleseminar Transform Stress To Success

In this teleseminar, you will:

*Take a cultural perspective to see the critical factors that contribute to stress. 
-Dr. Jane Granskog - Cultural anthropology

*Compare the difference between an internal vs. an external yardstick of success on reducing stress.
Dr. Alice Vlietstra - Positive Psychology

*Learn how messages from your body can help you identify and reduce stress.
Dr. Adrienne Zahner - Integrative healing

Just register here: Transform Stress to Success