Life Attractions

Evolutionary Reflections: The Power of Female Friendship

Dr. Dobransky's book, The Power of Female Friendship, is particularly interesting from an evolutionary perspective.  By stepping forth and writing this book Dr. Paul made a strategic evolutionary move. Stop and think. It takes courage for a man to step forth and write a book on the power of female friendship. It creates a path for a higher level of partnership and cooperation. Moreoever, he gives the principles so that each of us can contribute-- one moment at a time, right where we are, in our own back yard. It happens with the significant people in our life. Here is is how I see it.

First, he recognizes the impact of reptilian brain (see previous post) in gender behavior. When it comes to stress, men and women have different reaction patterns.  Men fight and flight, women tend and befriend.  In writing the book writing the book he shows how these differences can be used positively in promoting evolution. Women need the higher conscious male protection so as to have a safe place to bond and build relationships to create the cohesiveness to stabilize the change needed for the next step.  Otherwise, lower conscious hurt men, feeling threatened, could stifle it.  Remember, in the middle ages, millions of forward thinking women died during the inquisition. By stepping forward, he is also inspiring other men to use their protective qualities to provide a safe haven for women.

He recognized the mammalian brain by providing details on the critical importance of sustained, consistent positive emotion for building friendship. Positive emotion has a broadening and building effect. It allows us to bring forth more of our resources and work together creatively and cooperatively.
 
Finally, in discussing the higher brain, he did not miss a beat. He focused on the importance of the higher brain in promoting character. One of the core principles of his book is that "character is destiny." It is through character that we are unique, and still unify as one. We are all in this together. This defininely a huge step in creating global harmony and peace. Kudos to Dr. Paul.  Well done.

Dr. Alice

Happiness and Success: The Power of Female Friendship

I have been intrigued by two books written by Dr. Paul Dobransky (Dr. Paul).  The first, published in May, is the "Power of Female Friendship," The second, written last year, is "The Secret Psychology of How we Fall in Love."  Most fascinating is that at the core of both books is the application of evolutionary psychology to relationships.

The main theme of his writing in both books is his description of the evolution of the brain from Triune
Brain Theory. Throughout his book he shows how the three brains play a most significant role
in friendship.  The most ancient aspect of the brain is the brainstem, (the reptilian brain). This
is the center of gender related instincts and is an area where men and women are profoundly different. 
The midbrain (the mamalian brain) is the center of our emotions, the positive emotion of friendship, and the cortex (the higher brain) is the center of our character.  On this he cites, "Character is Destiny." You win in in the game life when your character and positive emotion have victory in guiding your decisions.

Knowing this infomation gives us, as Dr. Paul says, a "Cool Eye."  This is the observing eye that knows the optimal path for ourselves so we can make wise decisions.

Dr. Paul  uses a concise scientific system to describe how the brain works in friendship to create higher
levels of happiness and success.  The book is fascinating.  He integrates complex concepts in a
format that is easy to understand and has many examples and stories to illustrate his points. 

If you want powerful knowledge to to enhance your female friendships, this book is a must.

Dobransky, Paul & Stamford, L.A.   The Power Female Friendship.  NY: Plume Books, 2008. 

Transformation - Change Your Focus, Change Your Life

One of the biggest findings in happiness research is that once our income is beyond poverty level, further increases in money does not lead to increased happiness.  Other ethical principles also are proving to be empirically sound.  Giving makes people happier than self-indulgent pleasures, and the strongest determiner of happiness is showing itself to be meaningful relationships.

A focus on character strengths has many benefits for successful relating.  It helps us to see people in
another way.  By seeing the strengths of others, our view point becomes much more accepting, which in turn leads to positive and more flexible and creative thinking. We become more tolerant of others, while still maintaining our own point of view. As a consequence, we are more able to share and build intellectual, emotional, and physical resources that enhance our life. Individuals can be unique and still one and move to a broader, more inclusive perspective that creates harmony and well being.

Diener, E. & Seligman, M. An Economy of Well Being."  Psychological Science in the Public Interest., July 2004.

Character Strengths: A Hidden Attractor

In the last post, we discovered a set of character strengths valued by many cultures and tradtions.   In bringing out our higher ideals, they highlight the importance of our relationships to happiness and success. It is in our relationships and our circle of friends that we learn and grow.  

Stop and consider, if you lived on an island all to yourself, would character make a difference?  Most of your activity would be focused on finding food, enjoying or enduring nature. Instead, much of our
happiness results, not just from physical survival but from sharing our experience with others. When we experience a sense of unity through higher virtues and character, we experience more happiness than when isolated and alone.

Character, and the ins and outs of how character grows or fails us, is one of the hidden sources of our attraction to the stories in literature and films.  We are fascinated by stories of heroism and tragedy. What is it that helps people over come their struggles?  In novels and films we have an opporunity to learn about character by witnessing the stories of other people, putting ourselves in the situation, and considering what might happen if we were to act in the same way. Some of the greatest stories are ones where people are flawed and gradually mature and overcome those flaws. They give us much food for thought, learning, and growth.   

Sources of Unity - Character Strengths and Virtues

What is it that holds a successful business together in times of change?  What holds communities and  families together when they face adversity?  It is something deep.  It shows its face when the pressure is on.  It help people work together to rise to the occasion.  It is the ideals that we hold in common, our character strengths and virtue. 

Character strengths and virtue are so important that they have become the focus of the first major project in positive psychology, the identification and classification of the character strengths and virtues that are endorsed across cultural traditions and time.  They are described in the book, "Values in Action:  Character Strengths and Virtues,'' written by Peterson and Seligman (2004).  What are these virtues that are so commonly endorsed?  Peterson and Seligman identified six major virtues and 24 values in action that represent them.

They are: Wisdom and knowledge (Curiosity, love of learning, perspective), courage (valor, perserverance, integrity), love and kindness, justice (leadership, fairness, citizenship), temperance (self control, humility, prudence) spirituality and transcendence (appreciation of beauty, hope, zest, forgiveness, and humor).

The major benefit of recognizing these character strengths and virtues is that they bring in more harmony and unity.  All are one.  No matter how different in our experiences or manner of expression, we still are all one in identifying common ideals.  Even more, Peterson and Seligman discovered that each individual has three to five of these values in action which become their signature strengths. When we use them, it gives our lives meaning and we become deeply engaged.  They give us a sense of purpose,and a sense of being unique while still connected.  For many, this gives a deep sense of gratification.

Peterson, C. and Seligman, M.  Values in Action--Character Strengths and Virtues:  A Classification Handbook. Oxford University Press and American Psychological Association, 2004.

Unifying in Times of Crisis and Change: Character Strengths and Values

What are the hidden factors that draw us together to face change?  For example, the rising price of gas is a concern for many.  What is it that draws us together to empower ourselves to find solutions?  I have been spending time with my daughter and her family.  They did many little things to conserve energy and seemed confident in their ability to handle it.  What helped they to adaot was a sense of loyality, teamwork, and creativity.

Actually researchers have found that we all have strengths as these.  Evenmore, they are common to all cultures and have stood the test of time.  This is significant because because they indicate that there are a set of higher ideals that all cultures hold in common.  This helps us to experience ourselves as part of a broader global community.  When we are consciously aware of these values and strengths, we can use them to face our challenges.  These strengths will be the focus of the next few blogs..

Celebrations: Affirming our Strengths

In the United States, we have just celebrated July 4, Independence Day. It reminds us of our constitutional values, the pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness. Celebration gives an opportunity to help us to affirm our strengths and how far we have come.  In our family, we had gatherings to tell the stories from the past.  The children and grandchildren shared stories around a bonfire, other times us

older ones shared our escapades at family meals.

 

Celebrations signal a cooperative mindset.  We find ourselves becoming more tolerant, creative, and looking for win-win solutions that benefit everyone.  Positive emotion has a broadening and building effect (Frederickson, 2003). On the other hand, negative emotions such as sadness and anger, signal win-loss games, and has a constrictive effect.  The intense discomfort motivates us to focus, conserve our resources, and find solutions to get out of the negative feeling. We take action in order to avoid further hurt and pain.

 

Better yet is to transform the pain into an affirming experience.  We can use painful experiences to come together to see a bigger picture. Emotions such as anger and fear, do not need to result in an endless spiral of pain and loss. We can honor our higher intentions and use the experience to identify old destructive patterns and release them. Then we can come together to rise to the occasion and handle the challenge. Such is the deep gratification that underlies celebration.

Consciousness -- A New Earth, Beyond Backlash

Oprah's coverage of Tolle's book, A New Earth, had over 30 million downloads, but also has suffered backlash.  Her website attracted criticism, notes my colleague James Walker.  Some of her fans said the book was endorsing a kind of spirituality that goes against traditional Christianity.  James Walker further notes that the average audience for the Oprah Winfrey Show has fallen nearly seven percent this year and that the circulation of "O", The Oprah Magazine, has fallen by more then ten percent in the last three years. This may or may not be directly related to the airing of Tolle's book.  However, it does offer some food for thought.

When any one leader emerges to create a path for the future, it will not meet the needs of everyone.

Often we have a tendency to look for solutions from a strong leader, only to find the solution is limited.  I like James O'Dea's concept of "the stirrings of consciousness," as an approach to these kinds of issues.  When challenges arise, each of us can use the stirrings within our consciousness to look at the strengths within ourselves and in our communities.  There are times when strong leadership is needed, and individuals on their own can make a difference too.  We can make a difference right where we are, with the people who touch our lives, one moment at a time.  Strengths can come from many sources, our past experience, tradition, as well as New Thought.  Books such as "A New Earth" can stir our consciousness to see connections in a new way. At the same time we always need to remember that it is up to us to choose the meaning it has in our lives.

Walker, James.   The Synchronicity Institute Newsletter, June, 2008.