Life Attractions

Awareness is a Choice: Gratitude

Many times when we experience differences with others, we see it as a source of stress.  For example, in the last post we looked at how a lack of awareness of gender differences can create many misunderstandings in our relationships.  On the other hand, embracing differences significantly expands our point of view. So, how do we obtain this expanded view?     

One answer is an attitude of gratitude. Gratitude is a felt sense of wonder and appreciation.  Rather than focusing on yourself and what you get, gratitude looks at the higher sources of good.  For example, we can honor and be grateful for our character strengths and for our experiences that build our character.  When we are in our character strengths, we experience flow, passion, and purpose.

The challenge is to reframe our negative experiences of judgment and separation to harmonious ones. Gratitude is one way of doing it. It stimulates a shift in perspective. When things are going well, it helps us to notice what is going well.  When things are going poorly, it enables us to get over it and realize it is only temporary.

Gratitude produces moral and prosocial behavior. In fact, Adam Smith felt that gratitude was the essential social emotion.  Law was not sufficient to regulate society. In addition, gratitude was needed.

Some of the most bitter fights between men in women occur in divorce and custody disputes.  Research has fully demonstrated the negative impact of animosity between the parents on the children.  These fights often focus on what one parent did nor did not get from the other. This sense of entitlement to anger may block the recognition that the other person may also be partly responsible for something good, the child. Meanwhile continuing court battles are stressful for everyone.

Gratitude is one way of transcending these experiences. One can be grateful to have a child, to have an experience that stimulate of learning and growth, and to receive support from others.  When you honor your character strengths, you find addition sources for growth.  This attitude can help you to create a more positive future, both for you and your child.

 

Awareness Gives Choice: Celebrating Gender

Recent work on the power of female friendship has recognized the differences in how men
and women view the world.  While we each have a male and female aspect within ourselves, there remain biological differences that are hard wired.  The masculine view is often recognized as more single focused, logical, and task-oriented, while the feminine view is more diffuse, feeling, creative, and relationship oriented.     

Alison Armstrong, in her recent book, Making Sense of Men, has used an approach of appreciating differences between men and women to better facilitate effective partnering. She says that, unaware, each gender tends to assume the opposite sex functions like themselves.  A Woman, viewing a man from the feminine perspective may see a man as "one big hairy woman," and wonder why he does not "get" relationships. A man, on the other hand, from the masculine view, may see a woman, as an "emotionally indulgent male," and wonder, "What is the point" of her conversation. Has this ever been true for you?

By becoming aware and appreciating the differences between men and women, we can empower ourselves to move beyond our unconscious projections, see the differences, and use them as strengths for effective collaboration.  This point of view requires us to understand the differences between men and women that are instinctual, that is hard wired, from the qualities that are more characteristic of human spirit.  When we move to human spirit, we can honor our higher strengths and sense of purpose to work together for the common good.

How we view gender differences is a choice.  We can ignore them and wonder why the other gender just doesn't get it, or we can embrace our differences. Everyday we create a new day, see if you can discover how the differences in gender can serve a higher common goal.  Now isn't that more harmonious?

Armstrong, Alison. Making Sense of Men.  CA:  Pax Programs, 2008.