Life Attractions

Achieve Success Naturally: Know Two Phases of Information-Getting in Accomplishing Your Goals

We all have dreams of success.  It may be a desire to develop a successful business, have a successful relationship, or to better manage stress.  Many self-improvement programs paint a picture of success that consists of a course or workshop along large information package. Once the package is purchased and a course is given, however, the program stops.   For example, I have purchased self -mprovement books, CD's and programs, and only to end up confused by the large amount of information given.  As a consequence, it ends up as “Shelf Help” more than real help.

Your Winning Mindset: Getting Ready for Fall

Children and students are going back to school. Friends and family are returning from vacation. All are getting ready to work together again.  What kind of success would you like to achieve this fall? Will it be a success that is deeply gratifying that promotes prosperity, health and well-being?  Sign in the box on the right for a a complementary telesleminar on the critical factors for long-lasting
success.  Learn how to create a winning mindset through strength-based collaborative teamwork. Just put your name in the box on the right so you may get the link for the replay. 

Achieve Success by Composting Your Stress

Do you see change as a source of stress?   Often we have aspects we want to leave behind, like garbage, that we see as stress. Thich Nhat Hahn, well known for his wisdom, suggests we might want to compost our stress.

Create Compost

"Let us not run away from our garbage; we should learn the art of making compost.  Using that compost we will grow a lot of flowers.  Don’t think that without compost you can have flowers.    That is an illusion. You can have flowers only with compost. That is the insight of interbeing . . .we cannot just run away from our problems.  In fact, we have to go back to our problems.  The practice of calming, of concentrating, of embracing, of looking deeply into the nature of our pain, is absolutely necessary for us to get the transformation, the healing we need so much." (Dharma Talk, 1998)

Blessings from the Compost Heap

 Often we choose to ignore our problems, throwing them away like garbage.  Thich Nhat Hahn writes that when doing so we may be throwing away some of our most valueable opportunities for transforming our lives.  Often, when faced with challenges, the tendency is to judge them as good or bad, especially when they involve negative emotions.  Then we find many ingenious ways to avoid confronting them.  Emotions are neither good nor bad. Emotionality is part of what makes us human.  It is only when emotions are ignored, repressed, and stuck that they get troublesome. Then the garbage accumulates and begins to smell.                         

Compassion

Rather than dismissing negative emotions, pain and suffering can be honored and processed in an empathetic, supportive way, such as by listening, and putting the pain in perspective.  As we do this, a deeper  message begins to emerge.  Old patterns of thought, rooted in childhood or earlier times, can be identified. We find how they worked previously, but not now.  Old beliefs and patterns can then be forgiven and released, changing the pain to compassion.  Hearts hardened by anger and hurt soften, and the old hurts transform into new insights. The pain changes to compassion and new solutions emerge.   In other words, the garbage changes to compost for new growth. We develop new visions of success. 

 Connections for Success 

When we judge our experiences, it is like putting ourselves in boxes. These boxes prevent us from tapping into the roots of our common human experience. Rather than attempting to understand others, we distance ourselves by disconnecting and creating walls. When we use our pain to connect with our humanity, we feel more complete because we are reconnected.  This enhances our personal sense of well-being and gives our lives meaning. Instead of being negative, it leads to compassion and purpose in our lives.
 
For example, the woman who started MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Drivers) had a son who was killed by a drunk driver. She could have wallowed in her pain endlessly.  Instead, she decided to heal herself by using the painful experience to honor her son and increase society's awareness of the problem.  As a consequence, many lives have been saved by drivers being aware of the effect s of alcohol.  Both her life and that of her son served a higher purpose, changing their lives from tragedy to success. When we become aware of our inter-being, we can take action to foster the well being of ourselves and others.  All in all it strengthens us to achieve success. 

Warm Regards,

Dr. Alice

Stressed Out? Take Charge of Your Life

What do you do when someone pushes your buttons?  Are you tempted to lash out?  Or, do you maintain your cool, recognizing that they may have a very different view of the world?  Indeed, they may be trying to help you.  

How you react is largely a result of whom you believe is in charge.   If you believe your happiness results from forces outside of yourself, then you give your power to external forces.   The result is stress and feeling that you are a victim.  If you choose to better understand your reaction, then you empower yourself.  For example, you may choose to take a deep breath, focus the times when you felt loved, and look for good that may come from the event.  You can use it as an opportunity for learning and growth.

 

 

Freeing Yourself from the Prisons of the Past: Mindsight

Can you free yourself from the prisons of the past?  The answer is Yes.  The more you understand yourself and make sense of your life, the more you are able to have compassion and develop healthy relationships.  

Dan Siegel, a researcher in the neurobiology of relationships, says that taking time to understand the working of your mind develops a capacity for "Mindsight."  It is the ability to observe and be aware of the proceses of the mind itself, i.e. thoughts, feelings, perceptions, memories, beliefs, attitudes, and intentions. Mindsight is a capacity for insight and empathy that is developed throughout life with our internal reflections about our self. It helps you to be mindful of others.

Being mindful is at the heart of nurturing relationships.  When we are mindful, we are aware of our own thoughts and feelings and are also open to those of others. If we have clarity within ourselves, we are more able to fully appreciate others. Being mindful also helps us to purposefully choose a behavior with the other person's well-being in mind. Others notice our thoughtfulness and feel safe and nurtured around us. Mindfulness thus enhances all of our relationships.

Contrary to what many believe, your early experiences do not have to determine your fate.  When you are able to make sense of your early experiences, you are more able forgive and less likely to recreate old patterns.  Without self-understanding, science has shown that "History will repeat itself."

Siegel's research in neuroscience suggests that the brain continues to develop both new connections and perhaps new neurons throughout a persons life. The connections among neurons determine how mental processes are created. Experience shapes neural connections in the brain, reshaping the mind.  Interpersonal relationships and self-reflection thus foster this ongoing growth of the mind.

Being mindful helps us to focus on more than just the surface of our experience.  We can intentionally
choose to grow; intentionally choose to appreciate others, and intentionally allow new neural networks to develop in the brain. When we do so our living becomes more joyful.