Life Attractions

Happiness: What Makes a Great Day?

When you are having a "Great and Wonder Day," what is it that truly makes it great? Reflect on It a moment.  Is it pampering yourself, hanging out with friends, eating chocolate? How about being outside, appreciating nature, sharing, and connecting with others and something bigger?  What about the obstacles?  Are they sources of frustration, or do you see them as challenges for you to use your strengths?  

In the past ten years, "Happiness" has been the topic of much research.  What the experts find is that enjoying the pleasures of life is nice, but that once our basic needs are satisfied, we are ready for more. We are more than human robots, we are doers and creators. We want to make a dent.  It gives us a deep gratification, to know our strengths, use them, and have an effect.

Indeed, researchers Diener and Seligman (2004) found that beyond money and meeting basic needs, we are happier when we can promote well being.  We need to be productive, find meaning, and utilize our strengths.  Without service, positive emotion gives way to emptiness and depression.  In order to be truly happy, we need to feel connected, take action, and feel empowered.

This gives rise to a growing number, and largely unseen organizations that are making a difference by correcting the injustices in the world, doing what needs to be done. A  young Indian, helping some of his country's poorest farmers, said it well, "I have to feel  I am doing something to address the roots of suffering.  Otherwise, I can't be happy." Beyond savoring the pleasures, have a great day by using your strengths to make a difference to those you care and love. You may find yourself a lot happier.

Create a New Story to Become Empowered and Grow

Our lives are intrinsically entwined around the stories that guide our lives.  We have personal and family stories that are deeply meaningful to us, cultural stories, such as our American story, as well as our common human story.  For all of our cultural differences, our language differences, and richly varied customs and traditions, psychologically healthy humans around the world share universal core values and aspirations.  We all want healthy happy children, loving families, caring communities, and a healthy natural environment. We want to hear the stories about how people make this happen.

These aspirations have been challenged by stories that focus on competition, survival of the fittest, domination, greed and violence. Now that we are at the brink of social and environmental collapse, it is becoming imperative that people, aware, take action to manifest the world of our dreams. We need to recognize our long suppressed and even denied, capacity for sharing and compassion at the grass roots.

This last year has challenged a prevalent American story, "Money is destiny."  While this story works for meeting basic needs, it can lead to a depersonalized economic system.  This, in turn, disrupts the bonds of neighborhood and family, making it difficult to promote the development of caring and compassion of people.  For example, parents have often worked long days, away from their children,  leaving the children under the care of the TV and/or child care worker. Frequently, children's TV programs highlight violence, which fail to support the development of compassion and character. 

Other times the social learning of teens is left to peer groups, without adult leadership, which limits the development of their morals.  An alternative is to center our economy around well being at the grass roots.  We can do this in our churches, synagogues, homes, and places where we can take time to converse and reflect.  Then we become aware of the stories that have influenced us, and choose to create new ones. 

Rather than money is destiny, we might consider "Character is destiny." This story is more solid.  It is based on the wisdom of the ages, as well as our common sense experience, and ongoing research.  Indeed the stoic philosopher, Epictetus saw character as the one prime quality of happiness and success. Character is the fodder for much learning and growth. It is much more interesting, and gives us an opportunity to discover the true potentials of our human nature. Consider it, as you create the story of your life.  

Become Empowered: Cherish Your Family Stories

Every great country, business, family, and individual became that way because they were able to rise to the occasion when facing challenges and stress.   Adversity brings out the best of us, but only we can focus on higher purpose, maintain our sanity, and see the challenge through.  This is the fodder for many great stories. 

One way to identify your values and strengths is to reflect on the stories that are important to you and to your family.  Stories help you to discover the hidden factors that influence your life.  They also help you to appreciate your ancestry.  Many families have cherished old stories, told and retold at family gatherings.  The stories encourage us to talk about what is important.  

 

Take time to reflect on these stories, look for the hidden factors that helped you and your family rise to the occasion, face your challenges, and come through.  These are the character strengths that are unique to you.   As you become clear about these values, you will become more centered within yourself and clearer how you daily acts make a difference.

For example, I come from a family where we have a strength of a “love of learning.” My father, in his early years was a country school teacher.  He was especially touched one day in his rural classroom when a little girl fainted, too weak to concentrate.  She told him, “It was not her turn to eat breakfast that day.”  Inside her lunch pail was only a cold potato.  He shared his lunch with her and began to learn about nutrition. 

 

He subsequently became a teacher in the agricultural sciences and encouraged many community farmers and the members of our family to seek a higher education.  It was his lifelong mission to promote the growth and development of people, by facilitating their learning.  This story is fondly remembered because shows how all people are significant.  Our daily actions, carried out to benefit others, can lead to great results.

 

Become Empowered: Use Your Strengths to Face Adversity

Napoleon Hill once said “Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.”  Adversity is part of life. Adversity gives us opportunities to connect with others and use our strengths to rise to the occasion and overcome it. 

 

When we are clear about our values and character strengths, we can hold things together, for the best interest of all, to come out stronger on the other side. Character strengths empower us to be disciplined enough to see the challenge through.  Adversity can bring out the best of us, but only if we can focus on a higher purpose and maintain our sanity.

 

"Blessed Unrest" - From Independence to Interdependence

With the celebration of the Declaration of Independence, America celebrated its deepest values - Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.   At the time America declared its independence from England, it faced formidable odds. The colonists had no organized militia, no monetary system, no established country,-- and no conveniences as electricity or cell phones.  They were ordinary people, -- farmers with turkey muskets, facing the English military -- at that time, the strongest in the world. Still, they rose to victoroy.

Today we have gone much further than the colonists. Indeed, Paul Hawken, has identified a whole new movement - the largest the world has ever seen. He describes it in his book, Blessed Unrest (2007). This movement is very different from a typical movement because it has no single leader or ideology.  Instead, it is coming from a multitude of caring people -- doctors without borders, mothers, peasants, teenagers, children, and businesspeople, to name a few.  Large as it is, no one knows its true size.

Fiercely independent and aware, these people are facing and working on the most pressing issues of the day: Global warming, poverty, peace, hunger, conservation, human rights, and many more.  They work quietly behind the scenes, getting the job done, providing hope, support, and meaning to people around the world.  Hawken believes the clout behind this emergence resides in idea, not in force.  "Rather than dominance, it strives to disperse concentrations of power. Rather than control, it seeks connection."

What we have today, is more than independence. It is an interdependence where we can be have our own individual views and yet be quickly connected through our higher values and technology for the highest good of all.  What is the energy behind it? I think it is our deeper values and the Creator who loves us all. Take time to renew your enthusiasm for the deep spirit of life, liberty, and happiness. 
 
Hawken, Paul.  Blessed Unrest  New York: Penguin Press, 2007.

Become Empowered: Accept and Define Yourself

One of the keys to success in your personal life, your family life, and in your business is to be able to accept and define yourself.  This is called differentiation. It is your ability to define your own life goals apart from the influence of others.  You see it when you stand up for what you believe when others
are pressuring you.  For example, if you are being pressured by the kids to buy products you are
not comfortable, you can firmly and calmly give them an alternative and tell them, "no."

When you are differentiated, you can remain calm in the midst of upsetting situations. You hold your own, being an "I" while still being connected to the "We."  Why is differentiation a key to success? Learn about it in a complimentary seminar with Dr. Stan Fine and myself on Monday, April 22, at 7:00 PM CDT.  In order to get the link, just sign up in the box on in the right.  You also may get our E-course on The Shift.

One of the best ways for you to differentiate yourself is to identify your unique character strengths.  When you clarify them and how you like to use them, you know your area of contribution.  The same strengths show up in all areas of your life, personal, family, and business.

I will be providing information for you on the impact of differentiation for powerful teamwork. Dr. Stan Fine will be speaking to you about the importance of differentiation in marketing and business.

You may attend by webcast or phone in the comfort of your surroundings. We look forward to hearing
from you.

Celebrate Your Strengths

Have you ever noticed that many of our holidays are around the celebration of our deeper values and strengths? When we honor President's day,  we honor the George Washington and Abraham Lincoln for their strengths of leadership. Memorial day honors those who have died in service to our country.  All are examples where people have followed their higher values. 

Holidays can be an opportunity for you to celebrate the higher values and strengths in your life too. 
Everyone has them.  They give deep meaning to your life. It is very gratifying to take time to acknowledge them. First discover them within yourself. You will know when you are connecting with your special strengths and values because enjoy using them.  What are the activities you enjoy the most? Consider taking time to write them down.

When you are in your strengths you experience flow, feel enthusiastic, and excited. You tend to create special projects around them.  You will be more able to follow your vibes, honor your intuition, and take bigger risks. This is your deeper connection with your essential self. When you invest your time and energy in these qualities, your relationships get better. Why? The more you discover the life sources within yourself, the more you will love yourself and the more you will see life and love in others. Now isn't that attractive? 

Celebrate Your Strengths by Expressing Appreciation

Have you been able to express what you appreciate today? One way to remember to do it, is to focus on your strengths. Stop and think, what is it that you enjoy doing the most?  Then start observing what you appreciate in that strength around you.  It helps you to form a focus so you can get things done.  It also makes it easier to take action.  As you take more action, you will find your confidence and happiness will be begin to surge.

For example, I decided to change some of my attitudes towards eating.  I enjoy teamwork, so I noticed the strengths and contributions of others, especially at mealtine.  The social conversations and expression of appreciation became most enjoyable.  Indeed, it was much more pleasant than the consumption of food. This made it much easier to maintain my diet. I could celebrate the strengths of others as well as the support for myself.  Now isn't that attractive?

Finding Your Direction in Challenging Times: Getting Aligned With a Powerful Declaration

One way to find your direction in challenging ties is to get aligned with a powerful declaration. A Declaration  is a formal statement that focuses our energy.  It is a way to align our higher
intentions, vision, mission, goals, and plans.  The most famous of all declarations is the
Declaration of Independence.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed
by their creator with unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness."

Caroline Myss calls this "The Sacred Contract of America."  A sacred contract is an agreement made for the planet's highest good.  Each individual, family, and nation has a sacred contract. It is a combination of patterns of power that give the path to our Divine Purpose. Each of our sacred contracts is woven into that our nation, and needs to be maintained as a conscious citizen.  America is one of the most pivotal nations in the world for seeding Global self esteem.  The challenge before us is to reconnect with the Vision of our forefathers and honor the wisdom that has gone before us.   One place to start is by honoring your character and strengths.

You can begin by exploring your character strengths. As I have mentioned in previous posts you can begin to identify the character strengths most unique to you by taking the VIA strengths test at the Authentic Happiness website.  Then reflect on how you have used them in your life. Also consider which ones are most prevalent in your family.  How have they helped you to meet the challenges in your life?  Everyone has them.   Then consider your major challenges today, how would you like to use them to meet that challenge? This will help you to define your contribution, fuel your passion, and give you a deep sense of gratification.  

What is unique about this set of character strengths is that they reflect six classes of virtues common to most cultures and traditions.  Moreover, they have stood the test of time, having been espoused by many cultures over the generations.  You will discover that when you start discovering your strengths it will enhance your self esteem, and your mindset will change.  You will discover that you will be seeing strengths in others.  If you do, be sure to share what you discover.  It will help you to validate their strengths and yours as well. 

 

 

Becoming Resilient

Have you found that listening to the news leaves you fearful and depressed? Does it leave you feeling unsettled, doubting your abilities, and the future? When times are tough, some businesses and relationships fail, while others take it as a challenge and continue to flourish and thrive.

What makes the difference? Some people are resilient. They can handle adversity well and use it to expand their options. Others often become overwhelmed with fear. When you are in fear, it limits your options.

Would you like to be more resilient? Here are three tips:

 1. Look at the big picture. People who are resilient honor their strengths and remain positive. When you honor your higher intentions and strengths, you become more aligned with your spiritual resources. Then you are not as reactive to the immediate circumstances.

2. Look at the facts rather than shame or blame. If a problem arises, it may not be your fault. Research shows that those who see adverse events as resulting from a number factors and not blame themselves or others are more likely to see the adversity as temporary. This makes it easier to take action.

3. Discover your sources of community. We are all in this together. The combined concerted action of a small group in pursuing a common goal is empowering, even if it results from only the support of one person. A shared focus on using individual strengths in the service of the common good brings great personal gratification for everyone involved. It gives you the support and faith for finding a solution to the problem.

Everyone has strengths. Discovering these strengths helps you to stay on a more resilient track. By taking a broader perspective you may even be able to transform an adverse event into a learning experience that you can share with others.